Be still and know...

In order to be fully present for something or for someone, you need to come empty. It doesn't help you to listen well if you bring all your preferences and opinions with you. If you are already full of knowing, you cannot learn new things. You will not be able to hear or receive new information.

Practicing silence is a powerful way to begin the study of deep listening. Observing your own auto pilot responses (the way you would be responding if you were not in silence) can be shocking and all revealing. Remain the witness without getting critical and without censoring and you will be able to see more and more of your own opinions and judgments and how those personal thoughts get in the way of Sat (Truth). Truth is always present but it becomes obscured with our "take" on things.

Contracting/Expanding

Notice your words, everyday, every moment - what do you choose to speak about? What words do you use? Are you speaking about your troubles? Are you speaking of your fears, inadequacies or your lack? Are you telling others what is wrong with them? Are you jabbing at the, cutting and criticizing them? Right now, you can turn that around. Don't feed your investments in unhappiness any longer. Simply notice that its there and don't give it any more of your awareness or attention. And certainly don't feed it by dwelling there. Notice it and then look around and notice everything else as well.

Actually, notice as many different things as you can. Let your field of vision and awareness expand. For example, if you are angry about something that just happened, notice what your mind makes it mean, or how the event is interpreted. Then notice how your body responds, and notice your breath. Then notice the sounds in and around the room you are in. Feel the energy of the area you are in, the village, state, country, planet, cosmos... and so on.

The field of vision tends to narrow around the things we give the most attention to. If you insist on obsessing over a wrong done to you or something you said that you now regret you only serve to bind yourself tighter with the ropes of unhappiness. I call that a contraction. When you release your desire to dwell there and willingly open to awareness, I call that expansion of consciousness. The more you do it, the easier it gets and the freer and lighter and more joyful you become.

When I look around myself and realize that all I see are all the things that are wrong with others and situations, and I feel grumbly and judgmental and critical about the world or about myself, I know I am in a contracted state and before I make any quick decisions, I need to get quiet and free myself up from all the thinking that holds me hostage. I sit still and quiet. Anyone can benefit from time outs, in the same way a child does when sent to his room after a temper tantrum. You don't have to wait until you feel contracted to benefit. Actually a regular dose is the best medicine for the world.

Listening and Understanding

I hear a lot of people complaining that they aren't being heard - at work, in relationships, and at home. If everyone in this situation would use the experience as an opportunity to hone their own listening skills, the world would be a lot quieter, more peaceful and more understanding. You can learn to listen more completely than you ever thought possible. As you sit quietly in meditation, listen to sounds in and around the room you are in. Without judgment, listen to your own thoughts, your fears and dreams, and listen to your heart. Listen without any need to change anything or even to hear anything. Listen with acceptance and patience. Even when what you hear is a desire to jump up and get busy again. Eckhart Tolle tells of one teacher who, when asked, said he learned the incredible stillness that he emanated by watching a cat watching a mouse hole. Try to stay that still and attentive, alert, but also at ease. When you learn to listen to yourself with that much awareness, you will move into your day feeling nurtured all the way to your soul. You will feel less needy or dependent on others to behave in a certain way in order for you to feel happy. Then you will be able to learn to listen that deeply to others. Be reserved in your speech so you can quiet your mind enough to listen, to really listen to others. Listen without thinking about what you will say next, without judging, without criticizing. This will have a profound effect on your relationships and on your life.

Truth

Sat means the ultimate truth, the unchangeable, completely undistorted, timeless truth that is beyond space and individuality. It refers to Truth as the infinite, all-pervading vastness that is the substance of your being. All actions, words, ideas and wisdom that take you closer to this truth are a part of the practice of Satya.

In her excellent book “The Zen of Listening”, Rebecca Shafir shared an interesting twist on the word compassion. She said “compassion does not mean pity or sympathy; it means getting a sense of the other person’s frustration. Com means “to connect with” and passion means “suffering”. True compassion begins with compassion for yourself. I have come to think of listening, deep listening, as a very direct path to yoga; a cut-to-the-chase direct path to self-realization. The state of meditation is one of listening without action: without a doer who is listening. It has been said that praying is when you talk to God and Meditation is when you listen. Practicing silence is a powerful way to begin the study of deep listening. Observing your own autopilot responses, the way you would be responding if you were not in silence, can be shocking and all-revealing. Remain the witness without getting critical and without censoring and you will be able to see more and more of your own opinions and judgments and how those “personal” thoughts get in the way of SAT. Truth is always present but it becomes obscured with our “take” on things.

I love the work of Byron Katie (www.thework.com) for finding your way to truth. She takes a whack-upside-the-head approach to recognizing how the mind colors events to make them fit with the story line and create all kinds of unnecessary suffering. Those interpretations hold us hostage to our story and block us from the liberation of SAT. Of your complaint, your statement of “truth” she instructs you to ask first, is that true? If your answer is yes, then her second question is “are you sure that your statement is 100% true?” She is asking you to look again to see how your “true” statements frequently are more or less subjective truths, meaning, what is true in your own mind, according to your interpretations, desires and past experience. A person has to be willing to see clearly and willing to lay down the sword and shield to do this kind of work. You have to be ready for honesty and humility at a level you may not have experienced before. It is very common for people to get defensive doing work with Byron Katie but if you are open and honest and willing to release your hold on a limited view, and willing to release a need to be “right”, then truth is revealed and it is so brilliant that you will want to throw your head back and laugh and cry at the same time. You will start to behave in strange ways, seeking out people who may find a hidden button for you and push that button so you can do “the work” and find that sweetness that comes with the release. Liberation is, well, it’s liberating!